What we thrive on is a GOOD PANIC!

First it was sick cows, – Maddening the Herds
Followed by SARS, – And then the turn of the BIRDS
Now we’re all faced with Swines making us ill
But at least Global Warming is forgotten – Until -
Another panic is thought of – conjured up by the Press
And all – so we forget the [...]

Lynn Bowles underwear issue!

Is Bowles’s back-axle pert or saggy
Are her knickers – brief or baggy
Or perhaps a thong is all she requires
Held together by the use of her pliers!

What a lot of fuss over a boiled egg!

Broadcast
Is it me – or did The Great British Menu really surpass itself last night?
First we were introduced to “Duck Ham” – what ever that was supposed to be. I always thought Ham came from a pig – but perhaps with the current deadly panic of Swine flu the chef opted for the marginally safer [...]

Hoorah! At last – the government wants to read my emails!

Broadcast

Forget the Credit Crunch. I for one am VERY excited at the prospect of the Government reading all my emails.
I am in Seventh Heaven!
At last! A wider audience – (than just your other listener) – for my erudite prose and verse!
Fame is around the corner – AND IT’S MINE!
The name of Tansy Whitebytts will be [...]

Darling’s Budgie surfeits on Trill

With the Darling Budgie surfeiting on Trill it flew off to The Apprentice to do its bit for the winning team in last night’s Advertising task for a children’s breakfast cereal!
An easier task than it could have expected given the losing team’s offer of “Pants Man”.
It’s all beyond me but I [...]

Bless the matrix signs

Hurtling – as I do – down the M4 – on my relentless journey to Swindon and place of work I was reminded by the Matrix Signs yesterday to:
“Check your mirrors for bikes”
Horrified that I might have inadvertently captured the poor cyclist I overtook in Marlow I was more than relieved to [...]

The Great British Menu and a “Long-faced” Lobster!!!

I am sure I heard dear Jenny Bond say that last night’s chef was cooking “Long-faced” Lobster.
Well, I can’t imagine there are many lobsters who feel too happy or cheerful to find themselves sitting in a pan of hot water !
But there again I could be wrong!

so Sir, you’re not going to work next Monday

According to your website – which now lists “Listen Again” for episodes which have yet to happen – there’s not going to be a programme on Monday 20 April
So you’re taking another day off are you. Well enjoy!
Most of us manage to struggle in to our places of work [...]

Farmers made to tag every Sheep – What next!

What joy!
I see from my broadsheet this morning that farmers will now be required to fit every sheep with an electronic tag to “Monitor their Movements”
Can someone please explain to me why anyone would want to monitor Sheep Movements ?
Far be it from me – but I would have thought an occasional [...]

LURID EMAILS!

Dear Sir
I wish to apologise – unreservedly – for any “Lurid” emails I have sent in the past which may – in any way have been misconstrued !
I withdraw any implied inference that you – your underlings – or even your show – were anything other than pure drivel – and [...]