the nation needs an answer

Broadcast
The question the nation wants to know is
Can Lynn spin her tassels like Fabia did last night on Britain’s Got Talent?

Britain’s Missed Talent

Broadcast
Now there was a missed opportunity
If only the Tassel twirling Fabia had joined forces with Floral High Notes and the Wheelbarrow boys
That would have been an act to make the audience pay attention
I can just see it now
Tassel twirling Fabia standing – nay twirling – proud – whilst being whisked round the stage in a [...]

Great British Menu – The Great Vote for Britain’s Got Talent

Well.
I’m going to vote for Tom’s  Beef Wellington.  I have no idea what it tastes like,   BUT  –  I thought  his  choice of plate showed imagination  -  the way he chopped his vegetables showed  artistic flare and his final flourish  with the  accompanying asparagus  was outstanding.
I am really looking forward to seeing  him perform on [...]

Floral Highnotes – Britain’s Got Talent – supposedly

Broadcast – unattributed
At last! Floral Highnotes as experienced on Britain’s Got Talent last night! That surprising mixture of Opera and Flower arranging ! That Nosegay of unlikely pairings!
But what an opportunity for you and your Underlings!
Just think of it – a routine of scoffing sounds, giggles and [...]

Spring Watch takes on Britain’s Got Talent

Broadcast
Good Grief! Calm down! It’s only Wildlife!
What are the Spring Watch team being fed? – and I don’t mean the birds!
And can I have some!
What with Simon going into overdrive at a glimpse of a Polecat and Kate and Chris vying for the award for most over-excited presenter [...]

Hornet Attack!!

There’s something unnerving in a hornet
Viewed from a range of two feet
It’s the look in its eye of pure anger
Which brings fear and a wish to retreat!
The sky turned black as it launched its attack
Its body eclipsing the sun
And that syringe in its tail would make anyone pale
And I knew I was [...]

Togmeister for Speaker!

The solution is now clear.
MPs could then pose the following questions with confidence:
“What am I doing here?”
“What did I come in here for?”
And of course the important statement when dealing with their expenses -
“I claim for no particular reason!”
All these would be met with an understanding and sympathetic ear and the House [...]

Ode to Expense Claims

Broadcast – unattributed
With homes dotted around the realm
And MPs’ still hanging on to the helm
It seems to me we should all follow suit
Before someone plugs the hole like King Canute.
And I could do with some garden flora
Not to mention a table and also a sauna –
So please can I claim an allowance or Tax Rebate
Or [...]

Expenses Claim for refurbishing the Chicken Coop

Given the current climate – do you think the Tax Authorities will permit my expenses claim for the refurbishment of the Chicken Coop as a 2nd home – as Major Dickie is currently residing in it!
I’d also like to claim for extra straw for bedding and an allowance [...]

MPs’ Expenses and Swine Flu

No wonder the Government is so worried about the spread of Swine Flu. 
With all these MPs with their snouts in the trough they must be first in line to catch it!