I’m under siege…. From Hornets

It’s all very well everyone wittering on about the terror of wasps. It’s the hornets we should be worried about
These foreign johnnies don’t even restrict their attacks to the day time – not at all british.
Last night just as I had switched out the light and was settling down in my little truckle [...]

Now it’s the candles that are going to get us

Broadcast
We’re all doomed!! Or is it just the Silly Season!
Is it me? Or have the doom mongers become bored with food / drink and swine flu scares.
According to Radio 4 this morning lighting candles in badly ventilated rooms can cause cancer!
So how come the human race wasn’t wiped out before electricity became available?
I [...]

Zombies to take over the world

If I was a little Zombie – I’d change the world when I took over
I’d say “Let’s all drink too much and try never to stay sober”!
I’d kill off those researchers who confuse us and conflict
Who stop us from enjoying life with the doom [...]

At last the silly season is upon us

Broadcast (Unattributed)
So good of the Elf and Safety brigade to lay into the Royal Protocol and stop the practice of walking backwards when leaving Her Maj’s presence.
Just how many people have been injured over the centuries?
Still Crasher Nove should be pleased – he’s not too hot on the old reversing technique is he!!

Midsomer Massacres so arty – so Desperate

Broadcast
How AWFULLY clever of Midsomer Massacres to join in the current arty trend and emulate that Desperate Romantics outing. How very IN and “With the moment”
Not only did we have the usual – gratifying – crop of dead bodies but we were also treated to NAKEDNESS!
Pictures and models [...]

Bar-b-que dousing liquid

So thoughtful of the ‘Elf and Safety brigade to provide us with all this wonderful Bar-b-que dousing liquid from the sky.
After all we don’t want any of those bush fires do we!
But could they just stop the flow long enough to allow me time to light the thing and actually cook something!

the Tan and Touch up emporium

Dear Mr Dedicoat
I don’t wish to complain
BUT
Major Dickie seems to be having far too much fun at that Tan and Touch-up Emporium of yours.
And as for your latest summer special – “ the South American all-over Exploration”
Well ! You can remove that “Amazone Body Wrap” [...]

On this, his birthday despite his age Sir Tel can still walk……..

Broadcast
The morn it dawned on one more year
The Togs they did rejoice
Happy birthday to Sir Terry -
They shouted with one voice
And though in years he’s somewhat stricken
He does not seem too jaded
And Yes his snake-like figure’s gone
But LOOK – He walks – UNAIDED!