Scientists work out how to count birds (feathered variety)

Broadcast
So I see from today’s Daily Telegraph (other newspapers are available) that Scientists  have now worked out how to use birdsong to measure the size of bird populations.
Well what a waste of effort and research money!
The way to work out how many birds there are – if you feel so desperately inclined:
Is –  Count the [...]

Ah those Senior Moments – At Last someone understands

I see from my latest catalogue of  gift items “For Men or Girls”  there is the  answer to every TOGs prayer
The “Senior Moments Game”
As the blurb says – “For those who think they’re losing their marbles”.  If you fail to answer the basic questions and lose all your marbles –  you’ll  find yourself “Living entire [...]

It’s never too late to get a Newcomer Award

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Don’t give up Love!  You may yet be on the verge of winning something worth having!
After all if Lenny Henry can win a Best Newcomer Award after his 35 years in the business – Why can’t you?
That performance of yours in “Lark Rise to Candleford” could be it!
And now that you’ll have a lot of [...]

Boggy’s NOT a sailor…….

Boggy is NOT a sailor
He couldn’t navigate around a moat
He’s safest moored in harbour
Where he’s sure he’ll  stay afloat!

51.614789
-0.843200

There’s no such thing as a Research Free Week

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So just when we thought we might get a Research Free Week,
It’s another day of “Doomed if you do”  and “Doomed if you don’t”  Research.
And we’re back into “Alcohol is good for you – and then again it isn’t!”
Excellent!!   – must dash – I need to down  a few units before I face the rest [...]

Ode to Paul Viney and his mighty gavel

Broadcast – unattributed

Oh Paul, Oh Paul
I wish you were mine
Your voice is so sexy
And your profile divine
The Size of your Gavel
Makes me weak at the knees.
So will you give it a bang
Just the once – for me  – Please!

Overlooked for hosting Strictly

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(well only the first paragraph and that unattributed!!)
Dear Togmeister
So just when your flagging television career could have had a well needed boost  you were overlooked.
Your one chance to show you know your  “Ball changes”  from your “fleckles” and you failed to be noticed – AGAIN!
I am so sure you would have jumped at the chance [...]

Leaves are now classed as litter and Weeing in the Garden is Good!

So according to my purveyor of news – The Daily Telegraph – (other newspapers are available)  – Autumn  Leaves are now being classed as Litter!
Well as last night’s storm has now caused my garden to be  covered in “Litter”  Please can someone tell me which “Higher Authority”  I should complain to.
I demand compensation for the [...]

Another day in Barmy Britain Dawns

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A day when a Bobby can’t be let loose on his bicycle until he has read and absorbed the 96 page tome  on “How to ride a bicycle”  !!
A day when  if you want to sell those extra eggs from your few chickens –  you must first comply with the “EU laying Hens Directive”  which [...]

Lynn better look out!

Broadcast – unattributed
The Daily Telegraph’s letters page has been discussing the annoying habit of Newsreaders waving their hands and moving about.
Today I see one correspondent has posed the question “Do Radio announcers wave their hands about too?”
Now Lynn – come clean – and tell the Nation.
“Yes”
And I personally find it VERY distracting.