Wow! What riches await us

Broadcast -  on Ken Bruce
So what with  the £28 a year we will save on electricity  with the new Smart Metres  - and  the £3 on  our water bills – I can hardly contain my excitement at the riches  that await us in the new year!!
Now what to spend it on??

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Oh good Grief – now the Christmas Pudding is being blamed

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Is nothing sacred!  According to the latest bit of Barmy Research highlighted in my paper this morning  –  the Christmas Pud – that bastion of the British way of life – is now blamed for contributing to Global Warming!
Blimey!
I bet the penguins hanging on to the Antarctic icebergs will be surprised to hear that their [...]

Scientists work out how to count birds (feathered variety)

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So I see from today’s Daily Telegraph (other newspapers are available) that Scientists  have now worked out how to use birdsong to measure the size of bird populations.
Well what a waste of effort and research money!
The way to work out how many birds there are – if you feel so desperately inclined:
Is –  Count the [...]

It’s never too late to get a Newcomer Award

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Don’t give up Love!  You may yet be on the verge of winning something worth having!
After all if Lenny Henry can win a Best Newcomer Award after his 35 years in the business – Why can’t you?
That performance of yours in “Lark Rise to Candleford” could be it!
And now that you’ll have a lot of [...]

There’s no such thing as a Research Free Week

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So just when we thought we might get a Research Free Week,
It’s another day of “Doomed if you do”  and “Doomed if you don’t”  Research.
And we’re back into “Alcohol is good for you – and then again it isn’t!”
Excellent!!   – must dash – I need to down  a few units before I face the rest [...]

Ode to Paul Viney and his mighty gavel

Broadcast – unattributed

Oh Paul, Oh Paul
I wish you were mine
Your voice is so sexy
And your profile divine
The Size of your Gavel
Makes me weak at the knees.
So will you give it a bang
Just the once – for me  – Please!

Overlooked for hosting Strictly

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(well only the first paragraph and that unattributed!!)
Dear Togmeister
So just when your flagging television career could have had a well needed boost  you were overlooked.
Your one chance to show you know your  “Ball changes”  from your “fleckles” and you failed to be noticed – AGAIN!
I am so sure you would have jumped at the chance [...]

Another day in Barmy Britain Dawns

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A day when a Bobby can’t be let loose on his bicycle until he has read and absorbed the 96 page tome  on “How to ride a bicycle”  !!
A day when  if you want to sell those extra eggs from your few chickens –  you must first comply with the “EU laying Hens Directive”  which [...]

Lynn better look out!

Broadcast – unattributed
The Daily Telegraph’s letters page has been discussing the annoying habit of Newsreaders waving their hands and moving about.
Today I see one correspondent has posed the question “Do Radio announcers wave their hands about too?”
Now Lynn – come clean – and tell the Nation.
“Yes”
And I personally find it VERY distracting.

Now it’s Tea and Coffee Dregs the Researchers have got hold of!

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Good grief is nothing sacred
According to my Daily Telegraph this morning (other newspapers are available).  Researchers have  now decided we could “Save the Planet from Global Warming”  if we stop throwing away  our cold cuppas of Tea or Coffee and reheat them instead.
And then drinking these stewed dregs!   Yuck!
But – Hang on ONE MINUTE
I thought [...]