Another day in Barmy Britain Dawns

Broadcast
A day when a Bobby can’t be let loose on his bicycle until he has read and absorbed the 96 page tome  on “How to ride a bicycle”  !!
A day when  if you want to sell those extra eggs from your few chickens –  you must first comply with the “EU laying Hens Directive”  which [...]

books in large print…

I am upset.
How come a well known on-line bookseller has just started emailing me about the books especially available in LARGE PRINT.
This is NOT the way to win my business!
I may be slightly older than your AVERAGE listener but  I’m still under  59!!

Hornets…. again

What is it that gets into a Hornet.  The rest of the buzzy,  stingy brigade do the decent thing and go home when the sun goes down, to recoup their resources for another day of hostilities when the sun reappears.
Not the Hornet!
Oh no!
The hornet is made of much sterner stuff.
Just when I thought it was [...]

Norma Snoquers lives in Benson not Sweden!!

Dear Sir
The TOGS listened in amazement yesterday and are now confused!  (So nothing new there!)
Ms Norma Snoquers is known to us as the co-habittee of one Phil Occifer of Benson and thus does not live in Sweden or any other Scandinavian country.
We have checked and she hasn’t  “done a runner” –  but is tucked up [...]

MPs’ Expenses and Swine Flu

No wonder the Government is so worried about the spread of Swine Flu. 
With all these MPs with their snouts in the trough they must be first in line to catch it!

EU’s new Gender Neutral Language….

Broadcast
I see from today’s Daily Telegraph (other newspapers are available) that the EU is spreading its wings.
Not content with decreeing on the shape of bananas it has now issued guidance on the new “Gender Neutral language”
So out goes Miss and Mrs, Madame and Madamoiselle along with ‘man-made’ and “sportsman”
This – of course – now poses [...]

Rules, rules, rules – We’re doomed

My 99 year old father – Lord Moor Common – was summoned for a blood test this week. Given his age we asked if he could have this done at home, pointing out that his Doctor, the Flu-jab nurse and various other carers were all able to pay home visits.
“Oh no” [...]

Yippee – I’m rich!

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I have just been contacted by a jolly lady in Nigeria offering me untold millions!
The account she has found and wants me to share has “not been operated on for the past 4 YEARS so can be closed and the millions in it shared by us both”
The account was owned by “ an Oil dealer, [...]

Ladybird attack

Broadcast
Have you ever stopped to wonder at the proliferation of Ladybirds (the insect rather than any racey human alternative) and how they appear to be infesting our abodes.
I hadn’t until the depths of last night when I felt something crawling up my thigh
This woke me with a start – I knew it couldn’t be Major [...]

DIY or Destroy it Yourself

Last night – while Major Dickie was out – I inadvertantly flat-packed one of the kitchen drawers.
In a brave and fool-hardy attempt to cover up the damage I tried to mend it with super-glue.
As I took the lid off the superglue – the tube broke covering my hands with glue.
I struggled to [...]