Broadcast
(well only the first paragraph and that unattributed!!)

Dear Togmeister

So just when your flagging television career could have had a well needed boost  you were overlooked.

Your one chance to show you know your  “Ball changes”  from your “fleckles” and you failed to be noticed – AGAIN!

I am so sure you would have jumped at the chance to stand in for Brucey.

And  -  isn’t it a shame – you can’t even complain they went for a younger man!

Hey Ho – such is life – downhill all the way!!

Don’t you  go throwing a sicky on Friday or we’ll never see you again!

Broadcast

What did we miss?
Whilst the country has been consumed with waltzes, foxtrots and tangos – Not to mention the plight of Sparrows!
What Bad News has the Government released and conveniently buried whilst we’ve had our eyes – and ears diverted?
It’s VERY, VERY worrying!

Broadcast

So Brucey wants you to be parachuted in to Strictly after the departure of You Know Who!
Well – I for one don’t think your knees are up to it – and those lifts could be the undoing of you.
In My Humble Opinion I think Boggy would be the answer.

A quick Sailors’ HornPipe would soon split the judges and that fickle finger of fate – which is the Public Vote and with luck – we could have another debacle on our hands!

On Eurovision tactical voting is known
This leaves the UK with no points of its own
They vote for their friends – and never the tune!
But from such tactics we are not so immune!
So P’raps we shouldn’t look so askance -
For Here – too many are voting – for those who can’t dance!!

The viewers of Strictly have not had enough
Of seeing John Sergeant strut his stuff!

Certainly we know he can’t really dance
But we’re all keen to give him – just one more chance.

To get a high score is NOT so essential
For in dear John we can see – potential

And the viewers – and John – would be in heaven
To hear Len give him – just once – a “SEVEN”!

So John’s fans have phoned in – once more
So he can still strut his stuff – across the floor.
We need chaps like him – in this time of financial Crisis
When the only rhyming word is – Isis!

RIP to The Dishwasher – it has died. Having thrown all its water on the floor last night it won’t have anything to do with water any more. It has metaphorically turned up its toes! This, in the great scheme of things, is not catastrophic but nonetheless irritating. Especially given the Whitebytts current production line of homemade jelly this weekend! Purchase of a new machine will be The Number One Priority on Monday!

But the sun shone again today and we threw caution to the wind (what little there was of it today) and swam in the pool! Well having poured copious amounts of chemicals in it all summer, for hardly any benefit, we had to take advantage of the warm weather! Refreshing but very pleasant was the verdict!
As a thank you to it we have bought it yet another present – a new winter cover! Swimming pool maintenance is not cheap!

The jelly making reached its conclusion this evening. We now have lots of jars to sell at our Tea for Tribes do.

At least we avoided “paddling in the kitchen” as an evening activity today, so we could watch Strictly Come Dancing Results Show in relative peace!

Lots of activity in the Whitebytts kitchen last weekend. Having raided the local crab apple tree and also stripped a bush or two of Rose Hips it was action stations. The Major was away on manoeuvres which left the coast clear for a good bit of domestic activity. Success! The Crab Apple and Rose Hip jelly turned out a good rose-pink colour, clear and set to perfection. Stunned by this success I made a second raid on the tree and also found some sloes (rare this year in our area). More hubble-bubble and with the addition of some Rosemary and a pint of cider vinegar another batch of jelly was created!

Crab Apple Jelly jars

I am going to sell some at my forthcoming “Tea For Tribes” which we are going to be doing in a couple of weeks in aid of Survival International.

Thursday was a disaster on the roads. I do wish my fellow travellers would stay upright and on their wheels. Vehicles do not go well on their sides – especially lorries! Chaos ensued and yours truly took over 2 hours to get to work. I hadn’t realised Reading was such a large place. Given the slow speed I negotiated my way through it on that morning I had plenty of time to appreciate it to the full. I am sure there are various Togs in Reading who I could have visited had I but known their location!

The Major returned from his encampment at the start of the week and today was determined to join in the jelly making exercise so a further raid on the tree was made. More Rose Hips were also collected. All went well until the washing up stage this evening. The trusty dishwasher was loaded and we settled down to watch Strictly Come Dancing.

Then Pow! Out went all the lights and the TV – major loss of power to the Whitebytts establishment. Further investigation – with the means of the torch – finally tracked the problem down to the dishwasher. Actually we were now paddling. Once switched off, the Trip Switch allowed us to have our power back. Now the main hitch is that we inhabit the 1st floor of the joint venture which comprises Lord Moor Common’s residence and our own. Was Lord Moor Common now under water? Or at the very least experiencing an unwelcome shower?

The Major despatched me to investigate! The Lord was unperturbed and – fortunately – dry! He is a doughty 99 year old!

We ate supper. The Major’s philosophy of always march (or in this case mop) on a full stomach is a good one. We watched the tale end of Strictly.
We mopped. We mopped some more. We emptied the dishwasher. We mopped. We unblocked the blockage. We mopped. It was really exciting – if you happen to like that sort of thing.

I really enjoy a quiet Saturday night in!

Broadcast

I’m worried! Anton du Beke seems to be outwitting Deadly in his pursuit of the Almighty Dollar and is taking over the schedules – what with Hole in the Wall (Least said about that the better) – and not to mention Strictly Come Dancing!

And then – Just when we thought the gluttony of Food Programmes was over for the season – up pops Anton – AGAIN – with “Step up to the Plate”.
This seems to be an unnecessary mixture of Master Chef and Ready Steady Cook .
At least we are spared him on the latest run of Le Restaurant.

But Poor Raymond Blanc – Michel Roux should have been kind and warned him not to do it! You can almost see the bubble above his head:
“Oh my God – can’t ANY of them Cook!”
Perhaps tonight’s episode will be better….!

Gosh a ‘non Wogan week’!  And we all survived the turning on of the Hadron collider – which obviously didn’t collide.  Success on the broadcasting front on the day in question  (see below).  Jolly decent of Johnnie to read me out!

I am amazed by Germans!

Travelling home on Monday evening on my favourite motorway – the M4 – we drivers were greeted at one moment by the spectacle of a completely bare bottom squatting earthwards to enable the owner (a young lady – judging by the bits of her we were privileged to see!) to meet the call of nature!  Although the moment was necessarily fleeting due to the speed we were passing the incident – we all had time to notice the view and the German plates on the adjacent vehicle!  They really do have no shame!!

I had a fun week at work.  The company in its wisdom recently authorised the purchase of new chairs (a rare occurrence – last permitted in about 1989!).   As the person in charge of furniture it was my luck to order them.  I went for the all singing all dancing variety!  On Thursday we wheeled them out.  The next few hours were spent in staff playing with all the knobs and levers – much hilarity and very little work followed.

Assistance was at hand and I offered this excellent advice on Chair Adjustment by way of on-line instructions

Of course there are always those who don’t appreciate a gift horse when it canters up and nuzzles you!  The offer was actively, firmly and abruptly refused by a couple of those I have the dubious pleasure of working with – to put it plainly I was left in no doubt what I could do with these new objects of seating pleasure!  It is true you can never please all the people all of the time!

The Henley Show

Interesting smell..!

Today was the highlight of the social calendar in our neck of the woods – The Henley Show!  Lots of stalls and opportunities to spend one’s hard earned cash – and of course all those fillies in tight jodhpurs for Major Dickie to enjoy looking at!  I quite liked the cattle – all scrubbed up and clean and no whiff of the farmyard about any of them!

Evening Pleasure!

And of course then there was the preview of Strictly come Dancing to watch, followed by Sue Perkins conducting and our Great Leader doing his bit at “Prawns in the Dark”.  The Major and I retired early.,,………..

Good night dear reader – The Major is calling me to the boudoir!