Ah those Senior Moments – At Last someone understands

I see from my latest catalogue of  gift items “For Men or Girls”  there is the  answer to every TOGs prayer
The “Senior Moments Game”
As the blurb says – “For those who think they’re losing their marbles”.  If you fail to answer the basic questions and lose all your marbles –  you’ll  find yourself “Living entire [...]

It’s never too late to get a Newcomer Award

Broadcast
Don’t give up Love!  You may yet be on the verge of winning something worth having!
After all if Lenny Henry can win a Best Newcomer Award after his 35 years in the business – Why can’t you?
That performance of yours in “Lark Rise to Candleford” could be it!
And now that you’ll have a lot of [...]

Overlooked for hosting Strictly

Broadcast
(well only the first paragraph and that unattributed!!)
Dear Togmeister
So just when your flagging television career could have had a well needed boost  you were overlooked.
Your one chance to show you know your  “Ball changes”  from your “fleckles” and you failed to be noticed – AGAIN!
I am so sure you would have jumped at the chance [...]

The Maldives goes in for underwater meetings!

Broadcast
So  - according to various news reports – the Maldives cabinet is going to meet underwater using hand signals and boards to communicate.
So when can we expect you to broadcast from the bottom of your bath?
We know Lynn’s hand signals to be second to none  and Deadly always sounds if he speaking from the depths [...]

A few lines on Terry’s departure

So Sir Terry made a speech to the nation
And the nation held its breath
Was the old codger going at last?
Or would we be stuck with him to the death!
And those on the motorways wiped a tear
As he told us he was going to go
And we all slowed down in the middle lane
And brought the [...]

I’m under siege…. From Hornets

It’s all very well everyone wittering on about the terror of wasps. It’s the hornets we should be worried about
These foreign johnnies don’t even restrict their attacks to the day time – not at all british.
Last night just as I had switched out the light and was settling down in my little truckle [...]

Now it’s the candles that are going to get us

Broadcast
We’re all doomed!! Or is it just the Silly Season!
Is it me? Or have the doom mongers become bored with food / drink and swine flu scares.
According to Radio 4 this morning lighting candles in badly ventilated rooms can cause cancer!
So how come the human race wasn’t wiped out before electricity became available?
I [...]

On this, his birthday despite his age Sir Tel can still walk……..

Broadcast
The morn it dawned on one more year
The Togs they did rejoice
Happy birthday to Sir Terry -
They shouted with one voice
And though in years he’s somewhat stricken
He does not seem too jaded
And Yes his snake-like figure’s gone
But LOOK – He walks – UNAIDED!

Welcome back – glad to see you haven’t been forgotten

Broadcast (Well – some of it!)
Good morning Sir T – welcome back
I trust you are well refreshed from your little sojourn.
I ‘m so glad to see that – despite the rigours of the dry stone walling – you still had enough energy to write your weekly column for a certain Sunday newspaper. Was that pure [...]

Research has shown……… Ah Curry this week!

Broadcast
At last research has shown what you have known for years – eating curry is good for you. It staves off Alzheimer’s – and – very importantly – keeps you slim.
The researchers could have saved themselves a lot of effort and funding just by tuning in to your dulcet – if slightly erratic – [...]