So now we have to give up food to live longer??

So – It’s another joyous day of joyless research !
According to my newspaper
“Extreme diets – just above malnutrition levels –  will add 25 years to the average lifespan”
And we have to cut out meat, fish and nuts!
Which – I suppose – doesn’t  actually leave a lot to eat anyway!
All this so we can live to [...]

Oh good Grief – now the Christmas Pudding is being blamed

Broadcast
Is nothing sacred!  According to the latest bit of Barmy Research highlighted in my paper this morning  –  the Christmas Pud – that bastion of the British way of life – is now blamed for contributing to Global Warming!
Blimey!
I bet the penguins hanging on to the Antarctic icebergs will be surprised to hear that their [...]

To the Hills , To the Hills – the sea is coming!!

I see from today’s news that Scientists have now decided that “Sea Levels could rise by as much as 20 feet”
Well – let’s  look on the bright side.
At least all those holiday brochures which claim their hotels have a sea view  - when in fact the sea is about half a mile away  - will [...]

Scientists work out how to count birds (feathered variety)

Broadcast
So I see from today’s Daily Telegraph (other newspapers are available) that Scientists  have now worked out how to use birdsong to measure the size of bird populations.
Well what a waste of effort and research money!
The way to work out how many birds there are – if you feel so desperately inclined:
Is –  Count the [...]

Ah those Senior Moments – At Last someone understands

I see from my latest catalogue of  gift items “For Men or Girls”  there is the  answer to every TOGs prayer
The “Senior Moments Game”
As the blurb says – “For those who think they’re losing their marbles”.  If you fail to answer the basic questions and lose all your marbles –  you’ll  find yourself “Living entire [...]

It’s never too late to get a Newcomer Award

Broadcast
Don’t give up Love!  You may yet be on the verge of winning something worth having!
After all if Lenny Henry can win a Best Newcomer Award after his 35 years in the business – Why can’t you?
That performance of yours in “Lark Rise to Candleford” could be it!
And now that you’ll have a lot of [...]

Boggy’s NOT a sailor…….

Boggy is NOT a sailor
He couldn’t navigate around a moat
He’s safest moored in harbour
Where he’s sure he’ll  stay afloat!

51.614789
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There’s no such thing as a Research Free Week

Broadcast
So just when we thought we might get a Research Free Week,
It’s another day of “Doomed if you do”  and “Doomed if you don’t”  Research.
And we’re back into “Alcohol is good for you – and then again it isn’t!”
Excellent!!   – must dash – I need to down  a few units before I face the rest [...]

Ode to Paul Viney and his mighty gavel

Broadcast – unattributed

Oh Paul, Oh Paul
I wish you were mine
Your voice is so sexy
And your profile divine
The Size of your Gavel
Makes me weak at the knees.
So will you give it a bang
Just the once – for me  – Please!

Overlooked for hosting Strictly

Broadcast
(well only the first paragraph and that unattributed!!)
Dear Togmeister
So just when your flagging television career could have had a well needed boost  you were overlooked.
Your one chance to show you know your  “Ball changes”  from your “fleckles” and you failed to be noticed – AGAIN!
I am so sure you would have jumped at the chance [...]