Bring back the hosepipe ban!

Broadcast – 28 March 2007 (though emailed on 27th – just goes to show sometimes Sir T hangs on to emails for more than one day!)

Fearful of the next hosepipe ban about to be imposed as we haven’t had any rain for the last five days and so must be approaching drought conditions, I rushed out yesterday and bought a smart new spray nozzle for the hosepipe.

After spending considerable time and effort removing it from its packaging I attached it to the hosepipe and turned on the water.

I was just marvelling at the wonders of the different types of spray I could achieve with a gentle twist of the nozzle when the contraption disengaged itself from the pipe, soaking me from head to foot in a violent deluge of water.

Bring on the next ban I say. I can’t cope



Wagging tails – current news item

(27 March 2007 – Partially broadcast with no mention of Tansy  so difficult for her followers to know about her latest thoughts – still never mind it was still a winner and nice for her to achieve a broadcast on her birthday!)

I see from this morning’s Daily Telegraph (other newspapers are available) that Research has revealed that the side to which a dog wags its tail reveals the dog’s mood.

Can someone please tell me  of what use is this stunning piece of information – apart presumably to another dog.

Multi-Media Experience in your Trousers

Broadcast – 21 March 2007

Dear Sir Terry

As you are otherwise engaged during the early hours you will have missed the piece on the new clothing from Germany exhibited on BBC Breakfast yesterday morning.

Major Dickie Whitebytts is VERY excited. He is particularly keen on the Lederhosen Hiking Gear which they were offering with the slogan “A complete Multi-Media Experience in your Trousers”.

His little eyes lit up at the prospect of owning a pair.

I am very concerned that his eyes won’t be the only things that light up should he manage to purloin some; the Major not being as young as he was.

A good dose of bromide in his tea for the next few days should calm him down,

Under Dog

Broadcast – 21 March 2007

I chanced upon the latest Phone In show last night – UnderDog

So where were you?  I was so sure you’d be there given your underdog status and the frequency you’re abandoned by your Other Listener. 

And what an opportunity to train your underlings.  You could start with the Welsh Travel Tottie and the ‘Sit and Stay’ Lesson.

Don’t forget to dish out the odd biscuit when she does well.

Chasanova’s past catches up with him


Broadcast – 20 March 2007

So your new News Walla – that Chasanova chap thinks he can hide behind a subtly changed his surname to cover over his past does he.

Well he shouldn’t be so sure

We all remember Charlie from our school days. He was a great one for luring various girls to his den behind the bike shed. Jessica Knott-Worthy was a particular favourite with him (but there again, she was with all the boys) . However, she always claimed he failed to come up to expectations, and, with her reputation she would have known!

Perhaps his staying power has improved with age – no doubt if he sticks at this new job we will all be able to judge.

Tansy Whitebytts

The End of Master Chef goes Loud


So pronunciation remained a problem for the Chef chappie right up to the end, with his “Aspirations of Hoyte Cuisine”.

Hoyte Cuisine??   What’s that?

That’s worse than his Parsta and Targines of earlier episodes.

Tansy Whitebytts

Not Broadcast:

So that’s it then.  The end of Master Chef Goes Loud.  We can all hang up our earplugs and the candidates can take a well earned rest.

Major Dickie Whitebytts has suggested he could shout culinary tips at me whilst I cook his supper over the next few nights – just to ease me back into the real world!

The Major may find he’s sleeping in the chicken shed if he’s not careful!

Master Chef Goes Loud


Master Chef Goes LOUD – 15 March 2007 – Not Broadcast

Ha! A little peace in the camp of Master Chef Goes Loud!

Even the Chef and the Ingredients expert quietened down when up against it at No 10. Though who in their right mind thought it was a clever idea to make the 3 contestants cook up a meal for the Great Leader without even being allowed to have a practice run I can’t think.


Interesting to note that the two shouters carry a change of clothes with them at all times. They arrived at the Savoy in jeans but appeared in the kitchen in suits.


Continuity BBC Continuity!!