on Andrew Motion….

Broadcast – sent in on 27 June – Broadcast 28 June

I had a little notion to write verse like Andrew Motion
But it’s hard to find a couplet that’ll rhyme.
The weather is atrocious. The chickens have turned ferocious
And we’re up to our necks in mud and grime.



Weds 27 June
So I see from today’s Daily Telegraph (other newspapers are available) that scientists now recommend we eat blueberries to keep the brain young and fight brain cell loss.

Well Major Dickie bought some last week.  We tried some and jolly nice they were too.  The problem is neither of us can remember where we put the packet.



This was a dreadful poem. Much to my surprise TW read it out. He obviously agreed with me on how bad it was as he said it was absolute rubbish!

Sharapova, a young tennis goddess
Made men O’er the world feel quite breathless.
Her beautiful body and face
Made many a pulse start to race.
It’s those legs that seem to be endless


Broadcast at start of programme

My advice to Wimbledon:
Never believe the Long Range weather forecast.  Why else did they leave the roof off centre court this year.


Hosepipe ban – bet we get one.

Broadcast – 25 June 2007

Now that we have been deluged by the wrong sort of rain through this wonderful summer drought and June has been a complete washout,  I am becoming increasingly concerned about the impending hosepipe ban.

Unlike the Council employees of Marylebone Road or those in Wootton Bassett we have been using our hosepipe to siphon water AWAY from our house and garden.  Do you think we will be allowed to continue to do this when the inevitable ban comes in?

Polishing £50 notes

Broadcast – 25 June 2007 – well the first line anyway!

I see we are now required to Polish £50 notes.

I wonder if your other listener could help with some advice on how to do this. Not that I have managed to get my hands on one – but it’s as well to be prepared.

What sort of polish should I use and how much should be applied? Should polish be applied to both sides of the note – thus, I presume, ensuring it not only slips speedily into the wallet but also out. Or does one side suffice – if so which side?

I feel these important issues need addressing urgently before all the notes disappear for good.

A failure week ended in success of a sort

So I didn’t do too well last week. In fact as far as the programme was concerned I didn’t feature at all. It was a difficult week as the PC got ‘hit’ by the storm on Tuesday night.

Anyway I did manage to send a few emails in on Wednesday but to no avail. Nada.

Then surprise, surprise. On Sunday I was happily reading the Sunday Telegraph where the great man has a column and I got quoted from one of my missives.

So what did I write about I hear you ask! Well as all good TOGs know the Vatican found time to issue a new set of Driving Commandments…. Now follows my bit in Sir Ts comment of the subject (he did change it a bit! – Gosh aren’t I honest):

“So now, not only are we faced with our daily dice with death on the roads from drivers using their mobile phones, shaving, reading newspapers, or applying mascara, they’re going to be making the Sign of the Cross and saying a little prayer as well, God help us….”