The cows and sheep and the gases


Broadcast
Last night on some BBC TV programme or other – that we happened to cross – it was announced that scientists from Aberystwyth were investigating and analysing the methane produced by cattle and sheep – so here is a little ditty:

So the cows and the sheep – awake or asleep
Emit gases which effect global warming.
And scientists from Wales – in the hills and the vales
Are studying these emissions which are harming.
They have locked up some sheep
And they’ve locked up some cows
So they can study the gas at close range.
Seems an odd sort of task – not the sort of thing you would ask
Anyone to take on who wasn’t just a little bit strange.

Falling downstairs update


With thanks to my sister-in-law for the following:

Hush, hush, whisper who dares

Poor Tansy Whitebytts has fallen downstairs

Tel took a tumble, which caused her alarm

Her grief made her stumble and brought her to harm

Still – silver linings and clouds spring to mind, as they say

She can now lie around and hear Terry all day

The crutches of doom keep the Major subjective

As Tansy in pain hurls a load of invective

So Terry, please warn all the togs everywhere

Be careful when walking down more than one stair

Pride cometh before a fall – and I’ve just found out – it hurts!


Broadcast(well the 1st paragraph)
I suppose it serves me right for mocking you for falling downstairs!
As I made my unceremonious descent of our stairs yesterday morning the thought crossed my mind that it must be your fault for subconsciously planting the idea in my failing brain!

I have to say I did let go of the items I was carrying in a vague attempt to rescue myself!

The Major – mindful of his ’duty of care’ – offered me a cup of tea when he found me whimpering on the floor!

You were lucky – I spent a pleasant afternoon at our local A & E – nothing broken but I now have a set of crutches to prod the Major into action should he shirk his duties!

So all I can say is how Very Sorry I am about your accident. You have my complete sympathy and I wish to retract any statement I made earlier in the week!

Charles & Lynn plan a take over


Broadcast

Charles, Charles
IvaNove, IvaNove
Newsreader by decree
Had great plans for advancement
Down at the BBC.
Charles, Charles said to Lynn; Lynn he said, said he
Let’s block up the roads with traffic
Let’s block up the A- Fortee

So Charles
He blocked the road with lorries
And Lynn put out a decree
“Terry is stuck in Traffic –
He can’t make it here you see!
We asked for more time on air but he wouldn’t listen to our plea
So we had to take some action
We’ve stopped him getting to the BBC!”

So Charles
and Lynn took over.
They planned to put the show on air
They also changed the slogan
To “Wake up with Gaelic Flair”.
But Terry escaped the traffic and took the tube instead
And arrived at the studio door
In time to cut the pretenders dead!

Tansy

 

Another verse about Andrew Motion


Some people have a devotion
To the verses of Andrew Motion.
But I find my preference tilting
To those from Crookie or Wilting

Lady Helen is to blame for Terry’s fall downstairs


Broadcast

I blame Lady Helen for your accident on Sunday.

As every woman knows – men cannot multi-task so it was obviously her fault for allowing you carry the glasses of water whilst attempting the difficult task of negotiating the stairs. Your brain cells were evidently overloaded.

I suggest she allows you to practise with one glass to start with and once you have successfully coped with that only then should she allow you to progress to carrying 2.

Gordon – our new PM


I see Gordon is obviously concerned the rising waters are going to reach Biblical proportions – why else has he just appointed a senior officer from the Navy to join the ranks of his advisors!

Gordon looked out on England
With a trouble brow.
And wondered if it had been wise
To take on Tone’s job just now.

With water lapping at our feet
And the country under siege
Perhaps our Tone had got it right
To go off as an envoy – selling Peas!