Sat Nav toothbrushes


Broadcast

So According to today’s Daily Telegraph (other newspapers are available) there’s a new electric toothbrush with ‘satnav’ installed.

Will this help me find my way to work each day? No. It just tells me how to find my mouth. Where I need to brush and how long to brush for.

It’s a triumph!

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A verse to Lynn Bowles and her Feeler Gauge!


Broadcast – though he baulked at the last line!

It’s not a spanner or wrench
That will win this Welsh Wench
It’s a Feeler Gauge for which she is panting!
And over the hills and the vales
There are many young males
Who would Feel her Gauge if that’s what she’s wanting

The Restaurant


Broadcast

Never mind the tears. Never mind the lack of edible food. What I didn’t understand was the filming. Especially that aerial, night time shot which looked like something out of ‘Arry Potter as Raymond Blanc might say!

TV Scheduling at the BBC


Broadcast

So Tuesday’s the night when the BBC has everyone charging about. What with Nick Crane riding round the countryside on a girl’s bike – what was all that about – AND he had lost his umbrella. Then Adam Hart-Davis encouraging us to invade Mars, not to mention that Tribe bloke chasing reindeer in the snow. I’m exhausted just watching.

So what do we get for the rest of the week – nothing but cookery programmes – is it some ploy to fatten us up through one part of the week and then get us to run off all the fat in the other.

Well I’m not going to do it. So there!

There are just too many cookery programmes!!


Broadcast – but not attributed! But then he had just read out another one

It’s either Criminals in the Kitchen
Or next week – Nigella in a rush
And tonight the restaurateurs of Raymond Blanc
Could be about to make us blush.
Rick Stein is running round the Med
Loving everything he eats.
Good grief BBC I just can’t cope
With all these cooking treats.
There must be other programmes
Which we’d really like to see
I’m getting fatter by the day –
I’m twice the size, I used to be!

Thank you for going away for the weekend!


Broadcast – at the start of this morning’s programme

Good Morning Sir!

I would like to thank you for leaving the country. Due to your decision to bale out of this water-logged land for three days the weather took a major turn for the better and we have been blessed with wall-to-wall sunshine over the entire weekend.

Well done!

Perhaps you should go away more often!

Little Poem to the weekend!


So Terry made for the Baltic in the wind and rain
To find sun in England he had searched in vain.
And as his plane launched itself at the unsuspecting Swedes
The clouds cleared over England and the English shed their tweeds!
The Sun split the paving stones, the temperature soared quite high
Only to fall again as Terry – returned from that trip across the sky!