Good old Bloomin-eck and his Peking Duck


Broadcast 

Fantastic – Good old Bloomin-eck and his Peking Duck

Major Dickie was thrilled – at last an opportunity to use the foot-pump,  and to test his sewing skills when he pegs out the duck skin on the cooking rack.

He’s planning to follow Heston’s recipe to the letter  – by starting tonight he hopes to have his Peking Duck ready for eating by the Chinese New Year in 2008!

I have dissuaded him from taking the duck to the local petrol station to ‘blow it up’ as I don’t think petrol fumes will add to the flavour

However as the alternative is using the foot-pump  in the kitchen  sadly I foresee a 3rd redecoration of the kitchen coming up!

Tansy

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“Less-On” a wardrobe hire company for Fanny Hill


Broadcast – Well the bare essentials!!

In view of the BBC’s continued persistence in stripping down their Costume Dramas to the bare essentials, Major Dickie and I are launching a new wardrobe hire business:

“Less-On”

Major Dickie wondered if your Travel Tottie might be persuaded ‘for a small consideration’ to model some of our more adventurous outfits, available for hire for the current series of Fanny Hill.

“Fanny by Gas Light” a daring number offering the level of cover prevalent in some of the working scenes. He guarantees a warm studio for the shoot and would like to assure her that the photography will be sympathetic with subdued lighting to portray the right image and cover her modesty.

If she is interested she should contact him at:

“Less-On”
Much-Groping-in-the-grass
Wilts.

Matrix Signs


Never mind the ‘Sign Not in Use’

What really winds me up is the one on the M4 which says ‘Swindon 20 miles, 18 minutes’.  It said it last week, all this week and probably will continue to say so.

OK  we now all know.  Tell me something new.

It even said it when I was stuck in a traffic jam and was sat sitting looking at it for a great deal longer than 18 minutes.

Why Sheep don’t shrink when they get wet


Why Sheep don’t shrink when they get wet.

The other morning your other listener asked why sheep don’t shrink when they get wet.  This is obviously due to the temperature of the rain.

Now it’s too cold but with Global Warming the temperature is due to increase.  When the rain temperature reaches over 30 degrees C the sheep will shrink so reducing their Carbon Footprint.  Whilst rain temperatures are high we won’t need to heat water thus reducing Our Carbon Footprint.  This in turn will – in the end – halt Global Warming.

So my recommendation is Do Nothing – this is the cure to all our problems.

Hotel trains staff for naked Sleepwalkers


I am very concerned about the announcement in today’s Daily Telegraph (Other newspapers are available…) – Hotel trains staff for naked Sleepwalkers

In particular the spokesman who said “It is important our staff know how to help sleepwalkers when it arises!”

Tut tut – obviously he’s been watching Fanny Hill

Costume Dramas – excellent judicial use of costumes!


Broadcast – but not attributed!

I’m pleased to see the BBC is already taking its Cost Cutting to heart.

Brilliant start – leaving the costumes out of a number of scenes of their latest Costume Dramas – The Tudors and now Fanny Hill on BBC4.

An excellent wheeze to have everyone get their kit off at every opportunity – The clothing savings must be enormous!

Good husbandry BBC

Less clothing BBC – Less!!!!

Nigella!! – Weekly report


Broadcast 

I was sadly disappointed with Nigella last night.  No double-entendres or innuendos at all.

She threw some crushed chillies on a salad at one moment and said something about “Add what you like – It all depends how much poke you want.”

And then later  told us she didn’t mind if her pears poked out – all very innocent

Perhaps I shouldn’t have sent Major Dickie to the country for some fresh country air – he’s so much better at spotting the odd Bon Mot