Good luck to the Hamster


I look forward to his efforts over the next few days.

After all it won’t matter if he crashes the pips as the Togs are all used to that. In fact it is cause for celebration when Terry actually doesn’t!

Merry Christmas everyone from both Major Dickie and me!

Chocolate and Shaving


So “THEY” have decided today that eating Dark Chocolate is not as beneficial as we had been led to believe.

So I have chucked out all the chocolates I had bought for various relatives – obviously I can’t give them something that might not be any good  – and I am off to face the crowds to re-do all my Christmas shopping!

On the plus side though I see from today’s Daily Telegraph (other newspapers are ………..)  that it’s official:

“SHAVING WON’T MAKE YOUR LEGS MORE  HAIRY”

Well that’s a relief to the entire nation – aren’t you so glad someone has told you that!

So have a hair-free  and choccy free Christmas

Santa falls foul of ‘Elf and Safety!!!


So ‘Elf and Safety AND the Environmentalists are now after Santa :

“Santa and the elves, as producers of electrical and electronic equipment, should be aware they will have obligations as a result of placing goods on the market, inasmuch as they must adhere to their responsibilities for financing the environmentally sound disposal of them at the end of their usefulness”

Santa’s yuletide activities also clearly come within the current Work at Height Regulations.

Working at height should be avoided where possible, but if it is absolutely necessary then Santa should at least make sure his sleigh has rails to prevent falling out and a ‘fall arrest system’, – such as a safety harness tethered to the sleigh, – installed so that if he does fall he is protected.”

I think we should be relieved that his slay is driven by reindeer or the Carbon Footprint brigade would no doubt have something to add!

Merry Christmas to you and your Other Listener – oh and the numpties as well

Heston’s Christmas


Broadcast

Well!!

How could you?

After all that incredible food and amazing courses he gave you.

Which one of you picked a fight with poor Heston Bloomin-Wonderful and bopped him on the nose?

Tansy

“Shabbie Hill” – A tale of the near downfall of a young Traffic-Wench


“Shabbie Hill” – A tale of the near downfall of a young Traffic-Wench

CAST:

Sir Deadly Keen (An ageing moustachioed lothario) – Terry Wogan
Inspector Over of the vice squad – Alan Dedicoat
Shabbie Hill – Lynn Bowles
The Detective – Barrowlands Boyd

THE SCENE:

Shabbie sitting on her own in Mrs Nibblet’s Parlour

ENTER SIR DEADLY

SIR DEADLY: “Ah! Shabbie. Mrs Nibblet has been telling me of your gentile shabbiness. My Dear – verily you are indeed shabby.”

SHABBIE: “Why Thank you sir. You are too kind”

SIR DEADLY: “Well my shabbie young filly will you allow me to take you to Maidenhead. I have a fancy to visit it with you and I divine you shall enjoy the Ride if I have anything to do with it.”

SHABBIE: “Oh Sire, If you do truly want to be my Sweetheart, I shall go with you – all the way – and we shall visit Maidenhead together, for I have never been there before.”

ENTER INSPECTOR OVER.

INSPECTOR OVER: “Unhandle her Sir. Shabbie is not as Shabby as you suppose. She is a lady – I grant of some years – but none the less virtuous. You shall NOT venture to Maidenhead with her.”

SIR DEADLY: “You are wrong Inspector, She shall come with me!”

SHABBIE: “Oh Sir – I fear we cannot – I am in receipt of the latest traffic news and the way to Maidenhead has been rendered impassable!”.

INSPECTOR OVER: Sir, I shall have to ‘Inspect Her Over’ to ensure no harm has come to her. Come here my dear”!

SIR DEADLY: “You are a fraud Sir. Do not lay a finger on her! I shall fight you for her”

INSPECTOR OVER: “AaaaHHHH – I die”

ENTER THE DETECTIVE:

“I say Shabbie – What are you doing here?

Good Gracious – There’s been a murrrrrderrr”

THE END

Hic! Heston Bloomin – what’s his name’s trifle


We started well with the 2 bottles of sherry. Major Dickie found the drill and threw away the coffee so he could create the ‘cement mixer‘.

I remember we put on the Janet and John CD – as directed by the food historian chappy.

I think things started going down-hill due to the numerous tasting sessions, as I can’t remember much after pouring the second bottle of sherry into the syrup.

This morning the kitchen walls have bits of red, green and yellow birdseed stuck to them, my hairdryer is glued to the coffee tin and there’s a very interesting mix of olives and strawberry jam at the bottom of one of the saucepans. We also appear to be out of eggs.

I am not feeling very well.

Tansy

Cranford – Last episode


Broadcast 

What excitement and intrigue and the Death Toll wasn’t too high either.

There was a moment when it did look as if we were in for another massacre but no, Just the one main death with a couple of unknown railway workers as back-up.

I think it was fortunate that Miss Mattie was being kept busy selling tea!