Great British Menu confusion

No wonder Stephen (the Master chef winner) left in a marked manner at the start of this week. This week’s chefs may have referred to their helpers as sous-chefs but not our Jenny – oh no!

Kitchen Porters

That’s what she called them last night.

Princess Beatrice should have dotted her one with a skillet!

And what happened to the fish course? One of the Plates looked more like a very fiddled with starter to me.


Congratulations to the Highways Agency

I would like to congratulate the Highways Agency

At long last they have made good use of their Matrix Signs

On the M4  last  Friday they announced that  there is likely to be a road block at Junction 16 this week –  and so they are going to put on Badminton for us – it seems a strange sort of activity to give on a motorway – but it’s a start.  I wonder if they will use the central reservation as the “Net”

Or have I missed the point and it’s all something to do with  Horses?  In which case will they be demonstrating their prowess and using the central reservation as a jump?

Won’t the cars get in the way?

This technology stuff is beyond me!

I really don’t understand all these techy gadgets.

Were you saying last week that if I eat a Blackberry I will get a Bluetooth?

An Opportunity for Deadly to shine!


At last the perfect opportunity for Deadly – fame is just round the corner!

He must Apply now to the One Show.

They are looking for someone to become the next Percy Edwards – and Deadly – surely – must be in with a chance!!

In the meantime – you – Sir – should be their next guest – if Giles Brandreth is to be believed – the entire Nation – wishes to be considered as beige!

Attention Lynn – Barnsley Chop may be no more!


Lynn – I’m afraid I have some bad news.

Your ardent admirer – Barnsley Chop – may have met an untimely end at the hands one of the Great British Menu chefs.

Last night Chef Tom Kitchin insisted on using a Barnsley Chop in his main dish.

Sorry – but I felt it was only fair to let you know.

(Dear reader you will be pleased to know that Barnsley Chop is alive and kicking – he communicated to Lynn this morning – Phew!)

Ode to the Great British Menu!…


I must go down to the kitchen again – to the place where chefs hang out
And all I’ll need is a novel idea and some ingredients to spread about.
And Jenny’ll shout and Jenny’ll roar – And try to whip up a storm
And with a muddy pike and a wild Boar – I’ll cover my Plates in foam.

I must go down to the kitchen again – to where Stephen is sweating blood
And all I ask is – HE’S allowed to cook – “A decent Plate of Food.”
And the Chefs can watch and Jenny can ignore and the Judges can stop shirkin’
And Master Chef Stephen can be allowed to cook – AT the prestigious Gherkin!

The Ever Baffling Great British menu!

Now wasn’t it a happy kitchen last night! Maybe it was all those ‘Cheeky’ bits of Wild Boar running through that rather baffling “British Breakfast“ Starter!

As a Conn-osserr of a good – proper – British Breakfast – what did you think of it? I thought it lacked substance.

But even Stephen looked a little less resigned to the idiosyncrasies of the chefs’ wilder ideas – of what constitutes a Good Plate of Food!

Now all we need is for dear Jenny Bond to be given a script which tallies with the visuals and the programme might even become reasonably sensible!

Or would it?

No perhaps not!