The UN is giving me their dosh!


Yesterday I was privileged to receive a personal communication via t’internet thingy – from the one and only “Mr Ban Ki-Moon”. Mr “Ki –Moon” has kindly offered me – oddly via the United Nations – a sum of USD 250,000 – as I – apparently – have been the victim of a scam.

I am forever grateful that the “United Nations’ Monitoring Team of Economic and Financial Crime Commission” should have tracked me down – ME a mere member of the public and communicator to ‘Keep Wogan Awake’ !

And guess what all I need to do is supply some bank in Nigeria with all my details!!!

Perhaps this Mr “Ki-Moon” should indeed live up to his name and be BANNED!

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So today’s my birthday


And in the absence of anyone much wishing me a Happy Birthday I am wishing myself one!

I just hope that this year will be better than the last 3 months of the last one – which have been more than slightly tough.

Still I am off to Brussels for the weekend which is going to be fun!

“Spankings in the boardroom “… and more…..


Broadcast

Phew! The Apprentice had something for everyone last night:

Incomprehensible Jargon: “Rainbow of skills” and “Heads up on my style”

Brain-dead Moments: Bless the girl who held up a feather duster and asked “What’s this?” – “IT’S A DUSTER!”

And as a final bonus SirrAllan’s sidekick Nick offered “Spankings in the Board Room”

What more could we all ask for!

Kate Humble’s tits usurped by the Long Tailed variety!


Broadcast

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Kate Humble’s Great Tits have been usurped by the little known Long Tailed Tit as the most seen tit this year!

She’ll really have to do a lot to redeem her position in this year’s Spring Watch!

However, The Major remains hopeful that she will come up trumps!

Oh dear, oh dear – Now shrubs are fighting back!


I see from today’s Daily Telegraph (other newspapers are available) that a Council has been accused of “Crimes against shrubs”

Well – Before any under-cover police investigate my garden and my picture appears on posters around our village, I wish to confess that I have pulled up several weeds, trimmed the hedge and may – just may – NOT be planting any spinach in the veg. patch this year!

Last night’s offering of “The hottest place on earth “


What fun to watch Kate Humble and her chums pottering around in the hottest place on earth!
But – according to Major Dickie – the really hot moment – was the sight of Kate Humble snuggled up in her bed with not a lot underneath !

Now we’re told gardening is dangerous


Good Morning “Sirly” Terry

So another day for the gloom mongers.

Not content with yet another reminder that drinking  wine is a killer – liver disease this week –  (unless of course we are indulging on a week when it’s good for us)

Now – NOW – just when Spring has sprung and our thoughts turn to a potter round the veg patch  for some light weeding and – perhaps – a little sewing of the odd seed – Now we are told that Gardening is as dangerous as Rugby.

Well  I for one have no intention of tearing about my garden lobbing weeds into the air and then fighting Major Dickie to the ground for the honour of catching them– a more pointless exercise I cannot think of!

But the thought of launching myself into the  shrubbery with the Major in hot pursuit – now that’s another matter altogether………….