What we thrive on is a GOOD PANIC!


First it was sick cows, – Maddening the Herds
Followed by SARS, – And then the turn of the BIRDS
Now we’re all faced with Swines making us ill
But at least Global Warming is forgotten – Until –
Another panic is thought of – conjured up by the Press
And all – so we forget the current Credit Crunch mess!

Lynn Bowles underwear issue!


Is Bowles’s back-axle pert or saggy
Are her knickers – brief or baggy
Or perhaps a thong is all she requires
Held together by the use of her pliers!

What a lot of fuss over a boiled egg!


Broadcast

Is it me – or did The Great British Menu really surpass itself last night?

First we were introduced to “Duck Ham” – what ever that was supposed to be. I always thought Ham came from a pig – but perhaps with the current deadly panic of Swine flu the chef opted for the marginally safer Bird variety.

Then – when we were all looking at a field full of brown ducks I am sure dear Jenny told us they were Hens!

And the result of all this endeavour. Two plates of boiled eggs and asparagus “soldiers”.

Hoorah! At last – the government wants to read my emails!


Broadcast

Forget the Credit Crunch. I for one am VERY excited at the prospect of the Government reading all my emails.

I am in Seventh Heaven!

At last! A wider audience – (than just your other listener) – for my erudite prose and verse!

Fame is around the corner – AND IT’S MINE!

The name of Tansy Whitebytts will be on the lips of those “In the Know” in Whitehall.

OK – they’ll probably be baffled and confused by the content. But I DON’T CARE.

At least they will be kept busy deciphering my musings instead of overdosing on “Quantitive Easing” and fiddling with all those numbers!

Darling’s Budgie surfeits on Trill


With the Darling Budgie surfeiting on Trill it flew off to The Apprentice to do its bit for the winning team in last night’s Advertising task for a children’s breakfast cereal!

An easier task than it could have expected given the losing team’s offer of “Pants Man”.

It’s all beyond me but I do begin to wonder if The Apprentice Collective Brain Cell got fired in the first round !

Bless the matrix signs


Hurtling – as I do – down the M4 – on my relentless journey to Swindon and place of work I was reminded by the Matrix Signs yesterday to:

“Check your mirrors for bikes”

Horrified that I might have inadvertently captured the poor cyclist I overtook in Marlow I was more than relieved to find he wasn’t hanging on for grim death to my nearside mirror.

Nor had he managed to climb in to the car and clutch on to my rear-view mirror.

So A RESULT!

The Great British Menu and a “Long-faced” Lobster!!!


I am sure I heard dear Jenny Bond say that last night’s chef was cooking “Long-faced” Lobster.

Well, I can’t imagine there are many lobsters who feel too happy or cheerful to find themselves sitting in a pan of hot water !

But there again I could be wrong!