the nation needs an answer


Broadcast

The question the nation wants to know is
Can Lynn spin her tassels like Fabia did last night on Britain’s Got Talent?

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Britain’s Missed Talent


Broadcast

Now there was a missed opportunity

If only the Tassel twirling Fabia had joined forces with Floral High Notes and the Wheelbarrow boys

That would have been an act to make the audience pay attention

I can just see it now

Tassel twirling Fabia standing – nay twirling – proud – whilst being whisked round the stage in a Wheelbarrow – clutching an ever growing flower display – all to a “Ren-Tit- ion” of Rule Britannia

It has legs – well tassels actually

Great British Menu – The Great Vote for Britain’s Got Talent


Well.

I’m going to vote for Tom’s  Beef Wellington.  I have no idea what it tastes like,   BUT  –  I thought  his  choice of plate showed imagination  –  the way he chopped his vegetables showed  artistic flare and his final flourish  with the  accompanying asparagus  was outstanding.

I am really looking forward to seeing  him perform on The Royal Variety Performance – The Queen should love it – far better than any of the other  “off the wall acts”  we’ve seen on Britain’s Got Talent this week!

Well done!

PS  What do you mean – Britain’s Got Talent wasn’t on last night!!!

Floral Highnotes – Britain’s Got Talent – supposedly


Broadcast – unattributed

At last! Floral Highnotes as experienced on Britain’s Got Talent last night! That surprising mixture of Opera and Flower arranging ! That Nosegay of unlikely pairings!

But what an opportunity for you and your Underlings!

Just think of it – a routine of scoffing sounds, giggles and landrover revving noises accompanied by Boggy skipping around in his sailor suit!

Come to think of it – isn’t that what we get most mornings?

Perhaps not such a good idea then!

Oh well – back to the drawing board

Spring Watch takes on Britain’s Got Talent


Broadcast
Good Grief! Calm down! It’s only Wildlife!
What are the Spring Watch team being fed? – and I don’t mean the birds!
And can I have some!
What with Simon going into overdrive at a glimpse of a Polecat and Kate and Chris vying for the award for most over-excited presenter – I’m exhausted just watching!
But a solution is at hand
Please can they send some of their secret brew to the acts on Britain’s Got Talent – it might improve the so called Talent!

Hornet Attack!!


There’s something unnerving in a hornet
Viewed from a range of two feet
It’s the look in its eye of pure anger
Which brings fear and a wish to retreat!

The sky turned black as it launched its attack
Its body eclipsing the sun
And that syringe in its tail would make anyone pale
And I knew I was finally done!

I tried luring it into the hallway
In the hope it would leave by the door
But it soon spotted this devious manoeuvre
And buzzed round my head even more.

I’ve survived encounters with lions
Grisly Bears – just want a hug
But this has a look of pure venom
With the hatred of an overgrown thug

So as I hide here – shut in the closet
I have the airgun beside me – all ready
I will fight to the end – that’s a promise
Let’s just hope I can keep my aim steady!

AAAAAAAAAH

Togmeister for Speaker!


The solution is now clear.
MPs could then pose the following questions with confidence:

“What am I doing here?”
“What did I come in here for?”

And of course the important statement when dealing with their expenses –
“I claim for no particular reason!”

All these would be met with an understanding and sympathetic ear and the House would achieve a new level of understanding – currently sadly at odds with the Public!

I commend the idea – To The House!!