Terry is off to the tennis – a few poetic lines!


Broadcast

So with the prospect of showers
And play suspended for hours
Our Terry is off to the Tennis.
But under the Centre court roof
He can be somewhat aloof
Covered from that downpouring menace!
With his alan keys in his grasp
He’s ready for any task
Should the roof need a little work over
For his mechanical sense
Is known as immense
But he’s grieving at the lack of Sharapove!

Enjoy your day!

Bye bye to Maria Sharapova


So now it’s all over for dear Sharapova
And Terry just weeps in his Gin.
We‘ll hear no more from her grunts and her roar
Why couldn’t more balls have been in?
To be quite fair – others with a pert derriere
Can be feasted on – by men who enjoy
Some beauty on court – of the female sort
Never mind the games they employ!

So James May must be really cheap to employ!


Broadcast

It seems BBC scheduling has just given up the unequal struggle with the collective brain cell and decided just to hand over Sunday to James May!

Really! First we had a rerun of him trying to drink the world dry. Then Top Gear – and then off he went to learn about astronauts and going to the moon.

Don’t get me wrong he seems a nice sort of chap – but one can have too much of a good thing!

Wimbledon – No Nadal..


Broadcast

Oh No!

Now Nadal has pulled out of Wimbledon who are we going to turn to for those indispensable “Underwear adjustment tips”!

Perhaps Andy’s new shorts will require a quick “fiddle”!

Ascot


Ah At last Ascot is upon us again!

And so kind of Debretts to keep us “Up to Snuff”  – by issuing guidelines  to rein in the frisky punter!

It would seem from a cursory glance that some have been written with you  – and your listener – in mind:

  • Their First rule – “Eating in public requires all private habits to be closeted” –  need I say more!
  • “Being punctual always scores bonus points” – clearly a reference to your abject failure to get to the pips on time.

To these rules  I would like to add:

  • Stand at the start of the show – this might have a detrimental effect on driving standards but probably not noticeable on the M4 where most of the drivers appear to indulge in several occupations at once (shaving, reading the newspaper, eating…… to name but a few)
  • During  any Janet and John Story  – Slow to 50 mph on all motorways –  –  so allowing other drivers to inform you – with hand gestures – how much  they appreciate your motoring skills.
  • And finally:   Don’t talk when Terry’s talking  –  which, of course,   is obvious

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Interplanetary Claims Are Us!


Broadcast

I can just see the adverts:

“Have you been hit by a planet which accidentally collided with you?”

“Have you suffered catastrophic damage which has left you annihilated ?”

“Then Call us today” – “Interplanetary Claims Are Us” – for all those “Accidental Planetary Collisions”

“We will take up your claim with Mars”

“Guaranteed No Win No Fee”