Ah At last Ascot is upon us again!

And so kind of Debretts to keep us “Up to Snuff”  – by issuing guidelines  to rein in the frisky punter!

It would seem from a cursory glance that some have been written with you  – and your listener – in mind:

  • Their First rule – “Eating in public requires all private habits to be closeted” –  need I say more!
  • “Being punctual always scores bonus points” – clearly a reference to your abject failure to get to the pips on time.

To these rules  I would like to add:

  • Stand at the start of the show – this might have a detrimental effect on driving standards but probably not noticeable on the M4 where most of the drivers appear to indulge in several occupations at once (shaving, reading the newspaper, eating…… to name but a few)
  • During  any Janet and John Story  – Slow to 50 mph on all motorways –  –  so allowing other drivers to inform you – with hand gestures – how much  they appreciate your motoring skills.
  • And finally:   Don’t talk when Terry’s talking  –  which, of course,   is obvious

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