Ode to the Champagne researcher!


Ah! Those little bubbles that make you want to sneeze

I drank a lot last evening –  and life became a wheeze!

In the interests of science –  I drank  enough to fill a lake

But why Oh Why this morning do my  head and stomach ache?

I should have left the bubbles and only drunk the wine

And then – maybe – this morning –  I would be feeling fine!

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Good grief – master shout succeeds


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Good grief that WAS a turn up for the books last night!

Chefs who could actually cook!!

What ever next!

3 weeks to go to Lord Moor Common’s 100th


And it’s all a hive of activity.

Invitations to his party and At Home have been sent out.

The request to the Queen has been fired off !  The Dept. of Pensions (or whatever it’s called) came and checked on him the other day just to make sure he’s still in the land of the living!!  We were slightly surprised that they suggested a “valid driving licence”  as a form of identity!!

What fun!

“Metal Detector” raid on Terry’s Pension Fund!


So that wasn’t such a bright move was it!

Burying all that treasure  all those years ago – all  ready to unearth when you retired.   Pity someone found it!

Still never mind – you’ve still got your Saturday show to keep the wolf from the door!

“Presents for Men” or the catalogue of useless presents!


The catalogue of this Year’s “Useless presents” has just dropped through our door.

Amongst the usual gathering of novelty loo seats and solar torches (something about those bothers me!) – 2 items caught my eye:

A shower timer (looking very much like an old fashioned egg timer) that “Tells you” when your 4 minutes is up! So what does it do? – Shout at you and then turn the water off? I think not!

And

A cleaner for “All those irritating bits of fluff and debris which get into the gaps around your gear stick !”

The mind boggles!!

“Master Shout” – or “Car Crash Cookery”


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Just when you thought that there was nothing left to be said about master shout we get taken to a whole new place!

And Thank Goodness for the safety of “behind the chaise longue” – really the only “place” to have watched the fish filleting exercise last night!

Definitely a case of Car Crash Cookery!

The makers of blue plasters must have seen a huge surge in sales recently!!

CODPIECE – The Society for those against frugal cooking!!


Things have indeed come to a sorry pass –

And I urge TOGS to join C.O.D.P.I.E.C.E. –

(which – as I am sure you realise – stands for
The society for Consumers of Out of Date Products In Every Cupboard Everywhere.) –

Concern has been mounting for several weeks that people are being forced by the current rash of frugal cookery programmes to actually consume their leftovers and other “best before date items” before they have been allowed to mature.

For years CODPIECE have encouraged their followers to save and store these items for weeks – nay even years – to ensure they reach their full potential.

Now ? Now people are being asked to actually eat them whilst still fresh and in date.

IT HAS GOT TO STOP

TOGS must unite and fight back!