The joys of the M4

So!  Having had weeks of road works, contra flows, speed cameras and restricted lanes, the results of their labours have now been revealed.

The joys  and comfort of travel for drivers on the M4 between Maidenhead and Reading have been greatly enhanced………

We now have a wonderfully resurfaced hard shoulder – pristine in its newness – billiard table smooth!

The actual lanes of the motorway are – by and large – as they were – patched and bumpy!

Note to self:  Must break down more often to appreciate the new facilities!!

Another day in Barmy Britain Dawns

Broadcast

A day when a Bobby can’t be let loose on his bicycle until he has read and absorbed the 96 page tome  on “How to ride a bicycle”  !!

A day when  if you want to sell those extra eggs from your few chickens –  you must first comply with the “EU laying Hens Directive”  which will require a visit from men in full protective gear to inspect your premises!

I think I shall just close my eyes and go back to sleep.  I can hardly wait for tomorrow!!

books in large print…

I am upset.

How come a well known on-line bookseller has just started emailing me about the books especially available in LARGE PRINT.

This is NOT the way to win my business!

I may be slightly older than your AVERAGE listener but  I’m still under  59!!

Hornets…. again

What is it that gets into a Hornet.  The rest of the buzzy,  stingy brigade do the decent thing and go home when the sun goes down, to recoup their resources for another day of hostilities when the sun reappears.

Not the Hornet!

Oh no!

The hornet is made of much sterner stuff.

Just when I thought it was safe to open the kitchen window to let out the smoke from my burnt supper, they launched a night-time raid and zoomed in with all guns blazing and a rage to match any worn out 4 year old who is in need of his bed.

Why do  they need to be so cross – and so tenacious –  it’s beyond me

And no doubt with this Global Warming thing now – they’ll be a lot more of them.  You have been warned – or should that be Warmed!!

Norma Snoquers lives in Benson not Sweden!!

Dear Sir

The TOGS listened in amazement yesterday and are now confused!  (So nothing new there!)

Ms Norma Snoquers is known to us as the co-habittee of one Phil Occifer of Benson and thus does not live in Sweden or any other Scandinavian country.

We have checked and she hasn’t  “done a runner” –  but is tucked up safe and sound with the aforementioned Phil!

Please could you put her mind at rest and that of the Nation  – We cannot cope with more than one set of Noquers!

She needs to be assured  her that her identity is safe and sound!!

Either that or she will sue!!

Many thanks!

MPs’ Expenses and Swine Flu

No wonder the Government is so worried about the spread of Swine Flu. 

With all these MPs with their snouts in the trough they must be first in line to catch it!

EU’s new Gender Neutral Language….

Broadcast

I see from today’s Daily Telegraph (other newspapers are available) that the EU is spreading its wings.
Not content with decreeing on the shape of bananas it has now issued guidance on the new “Gender Neutral language”
So out goes Miss and Mrs, Madame and Madamoiselle along with ‘man-made’ and “sportsman”
This – of course – now poses you with a problem. We obviously can no longer refer to you as Sir or – for that matter to your good wife as Lady.
Perhaps an amalgamation of your titles would be the answer:
“Sady” – doesn’t really have a good ring to it
Or maybe “Sirly” – still not very kind – unless you’ve had a bad journey into work!
I know – how about “Silly” !

Tansy (formerly known as Mrs d’whitebytts)