The British Summer Tourist


Through rain and storm they struggled

They didn’t know quite why

They’d been told the country was in drought

So they were hunting somewhere dry!

They’d heard that water was in short supply

That there was a hosepipe ban

All they wanted was a bit of sun

And to get a summer tan!

They cannot leave the country

The passport queues have seen to that

So they’re stuck here through this rain and flood

In their thermals and woolly hats!


With Apologies to Lewis Carroll

“The time has come”  The Walrus said
“To seek out pastures new,
For all I loved from the Breakfast show
Has deserted Radio 2.
Now the fun and wit has gone
And  my nerves are jangled through.”

“The Togmeister was due to go
Of that I understood
But why  oh why “  The Walrus cried
“Did they throw out all the good?
I don’t  enjoy  the puerile jokes,
Even though I know I should!”

“So, though it truly saddens me  –
Radio 2 –  I am out of here”
The Walrus bowed his head  and walked,
and shed a bitter tear!
“I’m off to find a less frazzled place
To wake calm – with gentle cheer”.


The foggy Boggy bump

The mist is hung around the bay

The outlook was somewhat Foggy

In the gloom a  resounding crash was heard

Said the harbour Master  – “Oh here comes Boggy!”

Boggy’s NOT a sailor…….

Boggy is NOT a sailor
He couldn’t navigate around a moat
He’s safest moored in harbour
Where he’s sure he’ll  stay afloat!

Ode to Paul Viney and his mighty gavel

Broadcast – unattributed

Oh Paul, Oh Paul

I wish you were mine

Your voice is so sexy

And your profile divine

The Size of your Gavel

Makes me weak at the knees.

So will you give it a bang

Just the once – for me  – Please!

Ode to the Champagne researcher!

Ah! Those little bubbles that make you want to sneeze

I drank a lot last evening –  and life became a wheeze!

In the interests of science –  I drank  enough to fill a lake

But why Oh Why this morning do my  head and stomach ache?

I should have left the bubbles and only drunk the wine

And then – maybe – this morning –  I would be feeling fine!

The Togs’ Chorus – a few lines……


Through rain and thunder but hopefully no sleet

The Togs of Britain –today –  descend on Longleat

To sing TOGether is their aim and ambition

To bring new meaning to Sir Paul’s earlier rendition.

So Let’s  hope they  all manage to keep clear of a soak

And sing a chorus that’s better  – than an old froggy croak!