Alert to Sir Terry – watch out Richard Allinson is on the offensive….

Listen carefully .. I shall say this only once:
Allinson is on the offensive….
He is creeping up on you and trying a take over. At the end of his effort yesterday he let slip his cunning plan to pinch some of your show. He said, and I quote:
“We’ll be doing it all again tomorrow at [...]

Ah! Celebrity MasterChef – Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose

Broadcast
Still Loud
Still lining up the contestants in height order
Still swallowing large amounts of food in one gulp
Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose  – as I am sure dear Jenny would say!
 

Ode to Finnish food – 11 May 2007

When you start the day with snorkers
Made from Dutch or Danish Porkers
With perhaps a little curry on the side
It can be a bit un-nerving
To be given just a serving
Of a herring that’s been pickled or just dried.
When donuts there are a plenty
In your studio – which is empty
And Lynn ‘n Boggy are eating everything [...]

Eurovision

Broadcast – 10 May 2007 (sent in 2 days earlier)
So our Terry’s soon off to Hel-sin-ki
Where the locals dress is a bit kin-ky.
For Eurovision is on us once again
Ah! It’s another chance to air that Accord-ienne.
Most songs will have all but lost the plot
It’s the costumes that count – the songs – not a lot
And [...]

The M4

Ah the joys of the M4 – so loved by us all! All those drivers multi-tasking as they hurtle along in the fast lane. I am particularly fond of the man who insists on shaving and then there’s the girl putting on her mascara – what fun it is keeping out of [...]

The continuing saga of our Thames Water Bill

Why is my life so complicated.  I don’t ask for much – nor does Major Dickie since it was me that spent a large part of the evening removing the tomato ketchup and muesli from the walls!!  He is definitely keeping a low profile
How come then the simple business of paying the water bill has [...]

Chaos with tomato ketchup and muesli decorating

Broadcast 3 May
The last 24 hours has been somewhat unusual in the Whitebytts household.
Last night The Major ignored the standard caution
“Tomato ketchup, shake the bottle. None’ll come and then the Lot’ll”
and successfully covered himself, me and a large part of the kitchen in pretty red blodges. After having had to [...]

5 Tips for a woman……

1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn’t lie to you.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is important [...]

Bring on the Wogan collection – 2 May

 
Broadcast
I’ve spotted a gap in the market – a sure fire winner! Bring on the Wogan Collection.
A range of comfy apparel, including ‘Supportive Undergarments’ for that added secure feeling.
And of course all items would have to come with Built in Tog Tagging electronics all ready for the latest Government wheeze.
I suggest you steer clear [...]

Poem to Lynn Bowles – 1 May

Broadcast
All except the last line which he lost his nerve over!
The pulses of many millions rose
At the thought of Lynn – with no clothes
Hoping to catch a sight of this
Men logged on in dreamy bliss
But Oh no! The Web Cam’s froze
Seen from behind was their only view
There was nothing left that they could do
But Terry’s [...]