Ah those Senior Moments – At Last someone understands

I see from my latest catalogue of  gift items “For Men or Girls”  there is the  answer to every TOGs prayer

The “Senior Moments Game”

As the blurb says – “For those who think they’re losing their marbles”.  If you fail to answer the basic questions and lose all your marbles –  you’ll  find yourself “Living entire days over and over again”.

The winner is the person who manages to get through the entire week!

So look out  – you could find yourself stuck in this job and the prospect of retirement just a distant dream!!

It’s never too late to get a Newcomer Award

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Don’t give up Love!  You may yet be on the verge of winning something worth having!

After all if Lenny Henry can win a Best Newcomer Award after his 35 years in the business – Why can’t you?

That performance of yours in “Lark Rise to Candleford” could be it!

And now that you’ll have a lot of spare time from January  - just keep turning up on the set  –  worm your way in  - this could be your chance!

Boggy’s NOT a sailor…….

Boggy is NOT a sailor
He couldn’t navigate around a moat
He’s safest moored in harbour
Where he’s sure he’ll  stay afloat!

There’s no such thing as a Research Free Week

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So just when we thought we might get a Research Free Week,

It’s another day of “Doomed if you do”  and “Doomed if you don’t”  Research.

And we’re back into “Alcohol is good for you – and then again it isn’t!”

Excellent!!   – must dash – I need to down  a few units before I face the rest of the day!

Ode to Paul Viney and his mighty gavel

Broadcast – unattributed

Oh Paul, Oh Paul

I wish you were mine

Your voice is so sexy

And your profile divine

The Size of your Gavel

Makes me weak at the knees.

So will you give it a bang

Just the once – for me  – Please!

Overlooked for hosting Strictly

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(well only the first paragraph and that unattributed!!)

Dear Togmeister

So just when your flagging television career could have had a well needed boost  you were overlooked.

Your one chance to show you know your  “Ball changes”  from your “fleckles” and you failed to be noticed – AGAIN!

I am so sure you would have jumped at the chance to stand in for Brucey.

And  -  isn’t it a shame – you can’t even complain they went for a younger man!

Hey Ho – such is life – downhill all the way!!

Don’t you  go throwing a sicky on Friday or we’ll never see you again!

Leaves are now classed as litter and Weeing in the Garden is Good!

So according to my purveyor of news – The Daily Telegraph – (other newspapers are available)  – Autumn  Leaves are now being classed as Litter!

Well as last night’s storm has now caused my garden to be  covered in “Litter”  Please can someone tell me which “Higher Authority”  I should complain to.

I demand compensation for the nuisance this has caused and the cost (albeit in physical effort) this is going to cause me in clearing it all up.

But – Just One Minute – A solution is at hand!!

Tthe National Trust is now suggesting Men should Wee in the compost heap – so  perhaps Major Dickie can “kill two birds with one stone”  and get both jobs done at once!

Another day in Barmy Britain Dawns

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A day when a Bobby can’t be let loose on his bicycle until he has read and absorbed the 96 page tome  on “How to ride a bicycle”  !!

A day when  if you want to sell those extra eggs from your few chickens –  you must first comply with the “EU laying Hens Directive”  which will require a visit from men in full protective gear to inspect your premises!

I think I shall just close my eyes and go back to sleep.  I can hardly wait for tomorrow!!

Lynn better look out!

Broadcast – unattributed

The Daily Telegraph’s letters page has been discussing the annoying habit of Newsreaders waving their hands and moving about.

Today I see one correspondent has posed the question “Do Radio announcers wave their hands about too?”

Now Lynn – come clean – and tell the Nation.

“Yes”

And I personally find it VERY distracting.

Now it’s Tea and Coffee Dregs the Researchers have got hold of!

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Good grief is nothing sacred

According to my Daily Telegraph this morning (other newspapers are available).  Researchers have  now decided we could “Save the Planet from Global Warming”  if we stop throwing away  our cold cuppas of Tea or Coffee and reheat them instead.

And then drinking these stewed dregs!   Yuck!

But – Hang on ONE MINUTE

I thought we  were  already using too much power !  So now we are going to use even more and inflict misery on ourselves into the bargain!!

I am confused.